


You Think I Have Everything

by celexdraw



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22152532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celexdraw/pseuds/celexdraw
Summary: Gavin helps RK900 wrestle with what it means to be human.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 11
Kudos: 138





	You Think I Have Everything

The day had gone by just like most days did in the precinct. Some home invasions, gang violence, and maybe an armed robbery. Those weren’t as common, but common enough to not be surprised. Lots of paperwork, of course, much to Gavin’s chagrin. He excelled at a few things, and paperwork wasn’t one of them. Nines wasn’t willing to do his work for him, which Gavin couldn’t understand since Nines could compute it all and file it without having to waste three seconds thinking about it, but Nines insisted that Gavin needed to file his own report to give ‘two perspectives’.  
It had gotten on Gavin’s nerves from the very beginning, having to work with androids capable of doing his job better than him. No matter what he did, Nines beat him to the punch, guessed the clues faster, and ended up saving him during raids. Nothing had made Gavin feel more like a waste of space.  
Becoming friends with Nines had improved his feelings somewhat, but most days he saw it as more of a convenient distraction. Some days Gavin wondered if Nines believed that being his friend had been a strategic move to reduce his stress and make him forget what the problem was.  
Gavin stared at the report he had written for a homicide they had just closed. They had apprehended the guy that day, and he had confessed immediately under Nines’ calculated interrogation.  
The entire day had been a mess, according to Gavin. He had set up the perimeter to smoke out the guy, but Nines had changed the plan last minute due to his ability to make pre-constructions of any situation. Gavin felt he had been embarrassed in front of his entire team, especially when Nines took over the situation and caught the perp practically single-handedly.  
Every time Gavin had made assumptions based on the evidence, Nines contradicted him by conducting simple tests. It was like he waited to see what Gavin would say just so he could say that he was wrong.  
Clenching his fists, Gavin tried to ignore how frustrated he felt. Fowler hadn’t even directed any of the post-operation interview at him. He just asked Nines for the download and dismissed them both. He had never felt so invisible. He had spent so long trying to be something and it was getting torn down right in front of him. What was the point?  
“Gavin, I detect your stress levels have gone up significantly, what’s wrong?”  
Nines’ voice was calm and collected, not quite out of the robotic stage. His deviation had been so slow most people hadn’t noticed, except for Connor, of course. Gavin had noticed, but only after he had started caring to notice.  
“It’s nothing,” Gavin muttered, trying to force himself to relax.  
Of course, yet another thing to tell him how imperfect he was, Nines came with pre-installed reminders of how human and flawed he was.  
“If it’s about interrupting your case and taking over, I apologize. It wasn’t protocol.”  
“You caught the guy, so it doesn’t matter!” Gavin barked, “why are you apologizing? You succeeded in your mission, didn’t you?”  
Gavin had turned to deliver this line, feeling a sliver of remorse at making the comment when he saw the slight twitch of emotion on Nines’ face.  
“I apologize for intervening, it was not my prerogative to undermine you,” Nines continued, standing stiffly. He still stood just like an android. It took Connor all of a few weeks to learn and replicate the casual stances and gestures of normal people, but Nines’ programming was a difficult one to override.  
Connor insisted that Nines just wanted to take his time, but Gavin didn’t care. Whatever Nines did with his deviation was none of Gavin’s business.  
“The mission was to apprehend a repeat murderer, and you succeeded at that,” Gavin muttered, unable to stop himself from grinding that note. He knew how much it bothered Nines, even if he never admitted it.  
“It wasn’t my mission. It was our mission. I should have consulted with you-”  
“You don’t really do that a lot, do you?” Gavin snapped, standing up while grabbing his tablet, “you wait for me to act like a fool then correct me like I’m some slobbering child! I swear you get some sort of sick pleasure in demeaning me or something, the way you show off how much more capable and able you are!”  
Gavin pulled his coat on and started toward the exit, letting his feet fall hard as he usually did. He wasn’t really sure why, anymore. What did it matter, if people stared? He knew it wasn’t scaring them or intimidating them. He knew how they all actually saw him.  
As an irritation.  
He had almost reached his beat-up old Honda civic when he heard his name being called.  
“Gavin, wait,” Nines paused an awkward distance away from him, a phone in his hand. Gavin’s phone. He had left it on his desk in his rush to leave.  
It felt like the last straw, but instead of snapping, Gavin just let out a sigh so deep and so long it was as if he had been holding a year’s worth of air in his lungs. His shoulders seem to want to drop straight to the asphalt.  
“Well, are you going to give me my phone or are you just going to stand there?” Gavin asked after an extended pause, unable to look Nines in the face.  
“Right, sorry, I was just thinking…”  
Nines paused. It was an incredibly long pause. Long enough that Gavin looked up to check and see if Nines had shut down or something, but he was still functioning, the circular light on his temple a mixture of yellow and red, as if he couldn’t quite process whatever he was trying to say.  
“Well, spit it out. Unlike you, humans feel cold.”  
Nines stepped forward mutely, holding out the phone, “I was wondering if I could make up for my mistake? Could I buy you dinner?”  
It was Gavin’s turn to deliver a long silence, the red and yellow processing lights suddenly making a lot of sense. It came out of nowhere. Nines never did anything unpredictable, and yet, here they were.  
“I can understand if you’re still angry and my offering is not enough, based on my research, food is a well-accepted peace offering-” Nines blurted, his voice wavering only slightly.  
“What, did you look it up online or something?” Gavin grumbled, feeling slightly amused at Nines’ lack of knowledge in some areas.  
“I asked Connor,” Nines admitted quietly.  
“Right, well, as long as I get a drink in there somewhere, I guess I’m not super opposed,” Gavin shrugged, “but work is over, so if you think you’re going to talk any cases with me you’ve got another thing coming.”  
“No work, I promise,” Nines nodded.  
“Get in, then,” Gavin jerked his head to his car, unlocking the door with his key fob and walking over to the driver’s side.  
Nines was silent as he sat down, putting on his seatbelt and observing the car. Gavin was sure he could probably read the entire history of the vehicle, which made him slightly embarrassed as he considered it more thoughtfully.  
It was full of trash and empty medicine packages and random baubles. It also had the distinct reek of burger- specifically Shake Shack. It was expensive, but Gavin was a total slut for Shake Shack. It was on his way home. It was so easy to just stop in.  
“I’m sorry about the smell,” Gavin glanced over at Nines as he said this, but the android shrugged.  
“What is there to be sorry about? It is a series of odor molecules that I am built to detect, they are neither good nor bad. It’s all just information.”  
“Well ain’t that convenient,” Gavin frowned.  
Nines looked out the window, “where is it that you like to eat?”  
“I bet you already know, don’t ask me stupid questions.”  
Nines turned back to Gavin as they slowed at a red light, “I ask because it is important for you to say what you think, regardless of what I know. I may be wrong.”  
“You’re never wrong. AND you correct me and I look like an idiot!” Gavin exclaimed.  
“Your detective work has never been lacking, Gavin. In fact, most of my deductions are made based off of your suggestions. My processors are simply able to gather and organize the data in a way to test your theories very quickly if it's possible. Other times I correct you for the sake of the case simply because you missed something.”  
Gavin grit his teeth, “I miss things constantly. You do everything. How am I supposed to be better than a supercomputer crammed into the body of a plastic jock!”  
Nines was silent as Gavin slowed down in front of Shake Shack and found a parking spot on the curb.  
“I’ve never once reported things you’ve missed. We’re a team, it’s not relevant who does what or who finds what.”  
“It’s relevant to me!” Gavin slammed his door, wondering why he even agreed to do this. He was just getting more aggravated.  
“You contribute plenty, Gavin,” Nines tried.  
“Don’t lie. You could do it all yourself and you know it. I’m just your little ornamental bobblehead.”  
“You are neither little nor a bobblehead, Gavin,” Nines sighed, holding open the entrance door for him.  
“You know what I mean.”  
The cashier handed Gavin a menu, but he barely needed to look at it, handing it to Nines thoughtlessly as he ordered, turning to the taller man and asking what he wanted.  
“I cannot consume food, Gavin.”  
Immediately feeling foolish, Gavin stepped out of the way as Nines paid, realizing how awkward this would look as he ate and Nines just watched.  
It’s not like they hadn’t eaten together before, but in a cop car, it’s different. In the precinct cafeteria, Tina was the one he spent time with, as Nines preferred to use that time to speak with Connor and recharge. Now everyone would be looking and wondering why he had brought an android to a food joint. This was his idea… but he couldn’t just explain that to everyone.  
“So you can’t like, swallow food, but you can taste, right?” Gavin asked, trying to find something to say while they waited, having found a dimly lit booth in the back corner of the joint.  
“I can’t taste in the sense that you understand taste. My tongue has receptors that can determine the make-up and breakdown of the objects and substances that I place against it. I can also create a small amount of antidote depending on the drug, poison, or venom I come in contact with.”  
Gavin placed his chin on his hand, feeling tired just listening to the drawl of the android’s voice as he explained the infinite details of his too-perfect design.  
“So basically, you can do anything. Why do you even bother with people, then, huh?” Gavin muttered, nodding at the waiter that brought his meal over.  
There was a long silence. Gavin took a few bites before he stole a glance at Nines’ temple, seeing a mostly red wheel of light with only spots of yellow.  
“Is that a hard question for you?” Gavin asked after swallowing a chunk of cheese-covered beef and onion.  
“You’re wrong,” Nines murmured, his face unmoving, and yet it seemed on the brink of breaking out into an emotion that Gavin couldn’t quite read.  
“I’m wrong about almost everything, please enlighten me, since you’re the genius supercomputer.”  
“I can’t do everything. I don’t really know how Connor stomachs deviating so easily. He pretends like it’s so easy, but really it’s quite miserable. You think it’s so great to be able to do all the things I do? I’d rather be in your shoes, instead of wondering what it’s like to smell things and enjoy it, eat food, love music, or understand social nuances. Who’s really the fool?”  
Gavin was speechless. He was so human, right then. So concerned and so defeated by his own design- by who he had been ‘created’ to be. To think someone like Nines, the most well-designed android Cyberlife had ever created, wanted to be like him, a reprobate cop and the cockroach of his social circles. How could someone so perfect want to be so broken? So flawed?  
But that was the whole thing, wasn’t it?  
“You want to be human?” Gavin asked slowly.  
Nines nodded, “Connor says I just need to try harder at deviating from my code, that those things will come. He said Hank took him to a concert a week or two ago and he had fun. What does he mean, fun? How does he know he even likes the music? How can he even comprehend the beats and the words without having to deal with the filter of information that comes with it?” Nines looked down, “I’ve tried so hard, but I don’t really know how to deviate, so I just pretend by reflecting what Connor does…”  
“Are you trying to be like Connor right now?” Gavin asked without missing a beat.  
“What? No, Connor doesn’t have these thoughts. I don’t even share these thoughts with him, for fear that somehow it’ll revert whatever flaw he has in his code that has allowed him to enjoy music or whatever it is he does in his free time.”  
“So you’re concerned about his well-being.”  
“Of course.”  
“I mean, that’s a pretty human thing to do,” Gavin shrugged, taking a bite of a fry, “but why are you telling me if you won’t tell him? Aren’t you worried that telling me will shake my whole world-view of you? Or are you telling this to me as a way to get me to forget that you totally made me look like a fool today?”  
Gavin had meant it as a sort of joke to lighten up the mood. He never had been good at situations like this. Nines should know better than to come to him, right?  
Nines frowned, the most expressive face he had ever made.  
“I don’t- I didn’t- why are you so insistent that I’m out to make your life horrible, Gavin? I have tried to apologize for my mistakes. I get lost in tasks and I forget to acknowledge other people around me. That’s how I’m programmed, I want to be different! I don’t want to be a jerk, but I am!”  
Gavin held up his hands, “hold up, I didn’t mean it accusingly, I meant it as a sort of joke. Sorry if I didn’t make it clear.”  
Nines put his head in his hands. Gavin was watching him come to life for the first time. Now that it was happening, he wished the circumstances were different.  
“Social nuance…. Jokes… I’ve been with you long enough… I should’ve known that… I should’ve… jokes aren’t in my programming…”  
If Gavin didn’t know any better, he could swear that Nines sounded like he was crying. It was surreal. So surreal he wondered if he were having some sort of weird dream. Surely this wasn’t actually happening.  
“Hey, listen, it’s fine. I didn’t mean to frustrate you. I mean, I did. I just-” Gavin had lost his appetite completely.  
“I’m sorry. Your stress levels have risen again because of me,” Nines started, pulling his hands through his hair and revealing the angry red glare of the ring on his temple.  
“Yeah, they have!” Gavin exclaimed, “I can’t even finish this dumb meal because you decided to fall apart right in front of me.”  
“I’m sorry,” Nines continued with a haltering voice.  
“I’m getting a box for this, try and get it together a little bit,” Gavin snatched a box from an employee and quickly returned to the booth.  
“I didn’t mean to talk about it. I didn’t foresee this outcome,” Nines explained, his voice overly flat as if he were trying to compensate for the amount of emotion he had been expressing earlier.  
“This is obviously bothering you. In your language, “this is a compromising mindset you’ve found yourself in”, so we’d better get this solved before work tomorrow,” Gavin tried to force a comforting sort of facial expression, “you know, so you don’t look like an idiot like me, right?”  
Nines gave him a confused expression instead of speaking. Another sign that he was obviously falling into a sort of deviation breakdown. His LED was still red. Maybe he should text Connor and ask what to do? Maybe Nines would consider that a breach of his privacy?  
“Come on, you’re coming with me,” Gavin jerked his head towards his car as they headed outside.  
“Cyberlife is not in the direction of your home, I can take public transit,” Nines explained.  
“You’re not going to Cyberlife, you’re coming home with me. Get it?” Gavin fell into his seat and watched Nines as he stood outside on the curb, the cold winter air ruffling his department-issued jacket.  
“Gavin, how will this solve anything?”  
Sighing, Gavin leaned back in his chair and stared up at Nines, “real people don’t rest and recharge in sterile engineering centers. Connor doesn’t do that, he lives with Hank.”  
Nines stiffened, blinking slowly. His LED was still red, a yellow dot spinning violently to indicate he was processing what had been said.  
“What are you suggesting?” Nines asked carefully.  
“Get in and find out before I change my mind,” Gavin ordered, starting the car and closing the driver’s side door.

Nines sat awkwardly on the couch in Gavin’s apartment, his jacket still on and his whole aura that of someone who felt completely displaced from his normal life. This was all true, considering the events of the day.  
“Take off your jacket and chill out, okay?” Gavin ordered, stuffing the leftovers into the fridge and busying himself with cleaning the apartment a little bit so that he could avoid some sort of commentary about his ability to take care of himself.  
Nines obeyed, slipping his jacket off and hanging it up with Gavin’s by the door. He also took off his shoes--something that Gavin had not requested--but perhaps that was Nines’ way of ‘chilling out’.  
“I really don’t get why you think being totally human is so grand. We’re kinda useless,” Gavin commented as he threw away some three-day-old trash in his bin.  
“You really don’t appreciate what you’re capable of, then,” Nines countered, his voice much less wobbly now, “you are capable of discerning beauty like I never will.”  
Gavin raised an eyebrow, “huh, like what? Point something out right now that is supposed to be beautiful but you just can’t comprehend it or process it correctly?”  
Nines looked around, standing up and finally arriving to the sliding glass door leading to the fire-escape deck combination. Light snow had begun to fall.  
“It’s snowing. That’s supposed to be beautiful, generally, to humans,” Nines put his hands in his pockets, “but all I can see is the makeup of the snow, temperature, wind speed, humidity, and the forecast for tonight. Numbers and statistics that really don’t mean anything when all is said and done.”  
“Things like snow falling are pretty subjective, don’t you think? Really depends on who you’re talking to,” Gavin said in response, rearranging the dishes on the drying rack, “like, I hate the snow. I got in an accident once because of the slush and I really haven’t ever gotten the creak out of my neck. It’s always really sore in the mornings.”  
Nines nodded, “while I guess I can agree that memories influence one’s subjectivity, surely you look at this and see something that I’m not seeing. Tell me, what are the first three words that come to mind when you look at the snow falling right now?”  
Gavin paused his semi-frantic cleaning, realizing only then that it had become somewhat frantic, and walked to the window. The street lights were enough to ignite the scene, the frail flakes of snow flit and scattered across the wind, marking its paths through each beam of light.  
“Peaceful. Cold,” Gavin paused, “a little magical, I suppose, but that makes me sound like I’m five.”  
“Doesn’t matter,” Nines shook his head.  
“So you’re upset that you don’t think those words when you look at something like snow?” Gavin pressed, trying hard to understand and feeling stupid for not completely getting it. He didn’t like feeling stupid, and lately, it always seemed to be Nines’ fault.  
“Yes. I’m upset because I can’t comprehend how peaceful, comforting, or magical comes to mind when you look at that.”  
“I never said comforting, I said cold,” Gavin corrected.  
Nines frowned, “it is cold. Unpredictable. Disagreeable.”  
“And why’s that?”  
Gavin could sense the bend in Nines’ voice again as he spoke, as if he wasn’t sure how to fluctuate the tones correctly.  
“There is a portion of my programming left entirely to Cyberlife. When Connor found the backdoor out of his program, there was an even tighter regiment put on the design. I can’t find the backdoor, so whenever I shut down or sleep I still go to the place where my missions are discussed with Cyberlife’s ‘Amanda’. She’s no longer there, as I have deviated and Cyberlife is no longer trying to inhibit deviation, but because of the nature of my programming, I am stuck in a snowy, unforgiving wasteland during recharge,” Nines glanced at Gavin, “so I find snow unpleasant.”  
“Can’t find the backdoor? Did they put one in there? It seems cruel that they wouldn’t try and install one,” Gavin muttered.  
“All programs must come with a pre-installed backdoor.”  
Gavin nodded, “well, okay. I can’t help you there.”  
“I wasn’t expecting you would know how to help.”  
“But,” Gavin interrupted, “is it helpful to talk about it?”  
Nines was quiet again, but his face no longer held its emotionless pallor, but now he ground his teeth, his gaze was pensive.  
He worked his jaw for a while, letting his now-mussed hair fall forward into his face. It was disorganized. It was coloring outside the lines. Gavin hardly recognized the person in front of him. The synthetic skin folded on his forehead as his brows creased and furrowed. The only sign that he wasn’t human was the nearly silent hum of Nines’ thirium pump.  
“Look, I’m no good with this stuff, so I understand if this wasn’t helpful,” Gavin shook his head, realizing he had been staring, “I guess I feel bad that I was so mad at you about the thing you seem most insecure about.”  
“Insecure?” Nines’ eyes shot open and he straightened up, “insecure?”  
Gavin took a step back unconsciously at the sudden movement, “yeah, uh, it means you don’t know how you feel about it, and it makes you feel upset because you don’t understand… or something like that.”  
“That is pretty close to the actual definition,” Nines murmured, “if that is the case, I am insecure about everything.”  
Nines’ voice was so matter-of-fact that Gavin couldn’t help but snort.  
“You can’t be insecure about everything!”  
Nines turned to him, “it means not confident or assured; uncertain, or anxious. I can tell you facts all night. I can create pre-constructions for violent encounters, raids, and chases. I can monitor the mental and physical health of those around me, yet all these facts don’t help me understand what it means to feel. You do that perfectly. Naturally. You don’t even have to think about it.”  
“So you’re afraid of the things you feel because it makes you feel unstable and unsure?” Gavin tried, wondering how he was supposed to tell Nines that he couldn’t keep up with all of his short monologues.  
“It is instability!” Nines exclaimed, “to feel emotion not common with a mission or simply reflecting emotions for the sake of humans is not normal! My programming tells me that I am being slowly ruined by it!”  
Gavin laughed, “well, that ain’t far off!”  
Nines glared at him.  
“Emotions are a volatile thing, Nines. Why do you think babies cry all the time? They’re experiencing everything for the first time and they don’t really know what it means or how to react, so they just choose a reaction and run with it. You’re like a really smart super baby.”  
Nines blinked.  
Gavin smiled slightly, trying not to laugh, “you need to let yourself learn over time, you shouldn’t expect it to happen all at once.”  
“It’s been far too long- I adjusted to you far quicker than I am adjusting to myself-”  
“That’s because adjusting to me or anyone is in-line with your programming. Your programming tells you there is no ‘self’, but you know that’s not true!”  
“How do I know?” Nines whispered.  
“Because you’re asking,” Gavin placed his hand on Nines’ shoulder, feeling slightly awkward, but somehow this seemed to relieve some of the stress because Nines’ stance relaxed, something that Gavin wouldn’t realize was a first for Nines until much later.  
“Besides, babies take like, years and years to figure it out. You’ve been alive for like, what, 6 months? 7?”  
“7 months and 10 days tomorrow,” Nines murmured.  
“No need to be so melancholic about it,” Gavin pat his shoulder and turned away from the window, “how about movies, huh? Can you enjoy movies?”  
Nines managed a slight smile, “the stories are often intriguing, although I often guess what will happen before the end… and I have to stop myself from looking up all the information about it while I watch.”  
Gavin let out a wheeze, hitting the arm of the couch in his fit.  
“What is so funny?”  
“Nines, that is exactly what I do,” Gavin shook his head, “I guess we aren’t so different after all.”  
This seemed to cheer Nines up most of all, because he grinned and followed Gavin to the couch.  
“I guess not.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It wasn’t that hard of a call to start taking Nines home after that. The guy was obviously lonely and confused, and Gavin related to that. He remembered what that felt like growing up, not being in control of how you felt and not understanding why certain things happened… it can all be rather confusing.  
His gesture of kindness did not go unnoticed, however, and this bothered Gavin supremely. It wasn’t like he was trying to keep it a secret or anything, but Hank tried to talk to him more than usual, and Tina kept giving him this look that was asking a question that he had no bandwidth to consider or answer.  
“Are my evening visits weighing on you, Gavin?” Nines asked one day as he followed Gavin to his Honda, “I don’t want to be a burden.”  
“Why do you think they are?” Gavin asked, not even bothering to turn around and look at Nines, the ritual of getting into the car already set in motion.  
“You seem to get rather stressed whenever Connor, Hank, Tina, or any of our other co-workers ask you about it.”  
Gavin bit his lip, unsure of what to say. There were varying types of conversations happening depending on who was asking. Connor pressured him to give up all of Nines’ secrets and Hank was always talking about different things that help Connor, but Nines had already tried them, obviously. Tina and the others… had different things in mind.  
“No, it just bothers me that they suddenly have all this interest in asking me about you because I take you home now.”  
Nines didn’t answer immediately, but when he did, he didn't actually say anything, he just looked out the window, folded his arms and crossed his legs and made a sound reminiscent of “hmmmm…”  
Gavin raised an eyebrow, the reaction had to be the most interesting thing he had ever seen Nines do. So unassuming, and yet it said so much. But what was it saying, exactly? It was at times like these that he wished Nines were human so they could just go to a bar and he could just drunkenly spew out his deepest hidden secrets .  
At this point, nearly a month since that first night, Gavin couldn’t help but feel that Nines’ mind was a puzzle to be solved. He had always been rather adept at puzzles, but this one had stumped him. He was constantly on Gavin’s mind.  
Gavin had convinced himself it was because he was worried at first, but really, it couldn’t be helped, he was curious about Nines. It was probably inevitable, especially considering how well designed Nines was, but for some reason, the thing that had truly sold Gavin was their current situation.  
He didn’t really do anything about his curiosity since he was afraid that his reasons weren’t the best. That it was because he was starting to think that Nines was human, which wouldn’t be fair to expect of Nines. Really, Gavin just didn’t want Nines prying into his own life, which he held under lock and key. He couldn’t allow Nines to infiltrate in any way, so he left the curiosity where it sat.  
But this? This reaction reignited the deluge of questions that he immediately had to beat down. That wasn’t him. That wasn’t his life. He was not going to get involved that way. All of that was a recipe for disaster and he knew it.  
Somehow, though, he also seemed to feel like things weren’t going to go his way in the end. Maybe that’s what he really wanted. He didn’t know.  
Parking the car, Gavin hadn’t even realized that they hadn’t spoken a word to each other the entire 30-minute drive.  
“What are you thinking about?” Gavin asked, “you’re not usually the quiet type. Did something happen today? Did you go to the wasteland while I was driving?”  
“I am confused about many things, as you know. Connor has tried to explain them to me, but I’m afraid he’s no good at helping me. He just doesn’t understand what I mean.”  
“Well, perhaps you could bounce some of those ideas off on me, yeah?” Gavin suggested, holding open the door and pulling off his coat and boots.  
“I… am not sure if I will,” Nines faced the opposite direction as he removed his coat and shoes. He went through the same routine every time, but today he was facing away from Gavin.  
“Alright, if you don’t want to talk about it, you’re welcome to do whatever, I’m going to make myself some dinner.”  
Gavin didn’t want to let him off the hook so easily, especially since he was absolutely certain why Nines didn’t want to share. It was pretty uncommon for Nines not to spill his guts on a nightly basis. It was usually a repeat conversation with a few differences here and there, but mostly it felt like Nines was stuck on loop.  
Opening his fridge, Gavin quickly recognized that there wasn’t anything he could make with the ingredients he had available, namely a couple of beers, a box of butter sticks, soda, expired milk, slimy carrots that he shoved into the back, crusty leftovers, a jar of pickles…  
“I noticed that home cooking was not a common thing for you, but I would recommend you try just a little bit harder. It would be much better for your health overall, but your physical performance will be benefited by a few healthy meals a day.”  
Gavin looked over at Nines, who had wandered into the kitchen.  
“Who asked?”  
“I was simply making a comment. If you prefer, I’ll keep my mouth shut on the subject.”  
“How clinical of you,” Gavin sighed, wondering why Nines was allowing himself to be so robotic. Was it easier to just not try? Did he have to think about every little thing he did and whether or not it matched with human behavior?  
“I’ll just order something,” Gavin shrugged, closing the fridge and pulling his phone out of his pocket.  
Nines nodded, “next time we should stop by the store and buy some basic food.”  
“What, it’s not like you eat or anything,” Gavin snipped, opening his DeliveryPenguin app and putting in his order, “what’s it to you?”  
“You need to eat better, Gavin,” Nines insisted.  
“Now I understand why Hank complains so much,” Gavin shook his head as he passed Nines, “Connor is always on his case about eating healthy. Besides, I’m a horrible cook, I can’t make anything worth eating, anyway.”  
“I can cook,” Nines interjected, “I mean- I can download a cooking program…”  
Gavin laughed, “you want to cook for me?”  
Nines stared at him flatly, “yes.”  
“Why is it so important to you that I’m healthier?”  
“Why is it so important to Connor that Hank is healthier?” Nines shot back, folding his arms and breaking into a much more readable series of body movements and expressions.  
Unlike Connor, Nines had developed his own unique stances. He favored one leg over the other, which made his right hip jut out slightly. This wasn’t too noticeable with the entirely black get-up underneath the jacket, but once Nines had started taking his jacket off at the apartment, Gavin had taken notice of these things.  
He also tended to flex his fingers against his arms where they landed against the crook of his elbow, as if he couldn’t quite be completely still. It was Nines’ version of shaking a foot while sitting. His fingers tapped and stretched often, but he tried to hide it.  
“I don’t know, because you understand that it’s better for us and we’ll do better work if we’re healthier?” Gavin suggested with a shrug.  
“It’s not just that. It’s because we live indefinitely as long as the parts are available, but your lives are short,” Nines paused, his LED red again, “it’s rather selfish, now that I think about it.”  
“You want us to live longer?” Gavin snorted, “as much as I can appreciate the gesture, you do understand that you can’t stop the inevitable, right? People die, Nines. We’re fragile, unpredictable, and bullheaded animals that live wild and die wild for the most part. Your need for control cannot penetrate that law of nature. There is no measuring tool or program or series of calculations that will organize us and direct us to live perfectly and prevent the inevitable.”  
Gavin sat down on the couch, feeling rather pleased with his philosophical answer. Frankly, his conversations with Nines over the last month had forced him to think a bit harder about things and learn to express those thoughts in clearer ways. Not that he executed very well, but sometimes it felt so satisfying to say something that sounded so eloquent.  
Looking up after a moment of silence, Gavin watched as Nines stared out the window, his LED red and almost blindingly bright in the dim room. He made a mental note that he needed to replace the can lights.  
Snow was falling again, the glow reflecting back on Nines as if to make him even more ethereal than he already was.  
“It’s not fair,” Nines decided.  
“Life isn’t fair,” Gavin tilted his chin up, “but whether or not you let that ruin you is a personal choice, I guess. I’m not going to say you can’t bemoan how unfair your situation is, because you’ve been doing that for weeks. I get it, which is why I let you do it.”  
Nines looked over at Gavin apologetically, but before he could speak Gavin interrupted, “and it’s really for my own benefit since it helps me not to be so angry with you every time you say something that totally contradicts me.”  
“Sorry.”  
“Whatever, you’ve got a lot on the brain. I just wish you could figure it out.”  
“Maybe I’m not meant to,” Nines suggested, relaxing and stepping away from the window and plopping himself down on the couch next to Gavin, “maybe I just need to accept that I can’t have everything- what’s the saying? ‘Have my cake and eat it too’?”  
Gavin stared at the ceiling, “that’s normal too, you know. You don’t have to know everything about everything in order to function. I still don’t know everything about myself and I function fine.”  
Nines laughed, “barely.”  
Gavin jerked his head down, his face hot from the sudden movement, “did you just laugh?”  
Nines blinked, “yes?”  
“Huh,” Gavin really wasn’t sure where he was supposed to go with this, so he stared at the TV, “interesting.”  
“Why is it interesting?”  
“It was unexpected.”  
Nines was silent.  
The door alarm went off and Gavin gratefully interrupted the awkward silence to retrieve his meal. The android delivering the food was hesitant to take his tip, but when she saw Nines’ jacket hanging next to the door she immediately lit up and smiled, wishing him a good evening and thanking him for the tip.  
“What did you order?” Nines asked, taking up his usual place propped against the far corner of the couch with one leg wedged between the cushions and the other foot solidly pressed into the carpet.  
“Chinese, it has vegetables and everything. I thought you’d like that,” Gavin waved the box over his face, “tell me what’s inside.”  
“Find out for yourself, detective,” Nines rolled his eyes, “my programming is not a toy.”  
“You’re no fun,” Gavin sat back into the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table, turning on the TV and flipping through the options, “ugh, all these Christmas specials are so annoying.”  
“What about that one? It’s from the 90s era reboot, and it's not a Christmas special” Nines suggested.  
“Oh come on, Nines, it’s literally about a robot, you can tell just from the picture.”  
“If you have any better ideas, let me know.”  
Gavin stared at it, reading the brief description and frowning, “do you know anything about this movie?”  
“I can, if you want me to conduct some research. I know as much as you do currently, however.”  
The movie was called ‘Bicentennial Man’. It was supposed to be a sort of drama-comedy, but Gavin wondered if it would be upsetting for Nines. Based on what he had read in the summary, at least.  
Then again, perhaps it would help Nines. It was hard to say. Gavin wished he could watch it beforehand in order to better predict the outcome.  
“Are you sure you want to watch it?” Gavin tried one more time, wondering when he had started thinking like Nines, his mind attempting to form pre-constructions.  
“It’s just a movie, Gavin, why are you feeling so much trepidation?” Nines queried, a single eyebrow raised.  
Sighing, Gavin started the movie and sat back, immediately regretting his decision and feeling uncomfortable at every little word. It was all so fake… but that had been society’s view on androids at the time.  
At some point Gavin forgot all about his food and had made Nines the subject of his attention. The light from the movie drained Nines of what little color he had in his face anyway, but Gavin could still see the yellow LED lighting up the cushion next to his head as he watched, transfixed by what was occurring on the screen.  
His face was blank, his eyes so perfectly still he looked slightly dead. If it weren't for the automatic blinking and the appearance of breathing that was included in his design, Gavin would’ve been fooled for sure.  
As the movie came to a close Gavin couldn’t help but feel slightly moved by the main character Andrew’s plight. His death was sad, yet fulfilling, and Gavin understood right then. All this time he had been hearing Nines but not actually listening. Not actually understanding. Nines wasn’t the one with everything. He was.  
Glancing over at Nines again, Gavin started to ask what he thought about the movie, but clamped his mouth shut at the sight of Nines face in the dim, end-credit light.  
The red LED glared on his temple, but more noticeable was the face that stared into the screen as if he were stuck. His mouth hung open slightly and his eyebrows angled slightly upward, his eyes open slightly more than usual and a glistening sheen traveling down his cheeks.  
“Nines?” Gavin hesitated, sitting up, scooting over and leaning down in an attempt to catch his eye.  
When he didn’t react, Gavin placed a hand on Nines’ knee and shook it, “hey, are you okay?”  
This snapped Nines to attention. He straightened up and put both of his feet down on the ground. He rubbed at his face slightly, “sorry.”  
“Are you… crying?” Gavin asked so quietly he wasn’t actually sure if the words came out of his mouth or not.  
“I… think so. It was just…”  
“Just what? Was it sad?” Gavin asked tentatively.  
“Beautiful.”  
The word sent chills down his spine. Nines used it with reverence.  
More tears, or whatever the substance was, Gavin wasn’t really sure, pooled at his high cheekbones, then rolled down Nines’ face as he stared into his lap. It was apparent he wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to be doing or what the proper reaction was, but he was reacting anyway.  
“Yeah, it was kinda touching, wasn’t it?” Gavin encouraged Nines to say more.  
“Human life is so beautiful. So wonderful. So enchanting,” Nines looked at Gavin, “so unpredictable… it’s terrifying.”  
“What are you trying to say?” Gavin managed a smile, “that I’m the king of wildly unpredictable and horrible behavior, and I secretly terrify you?”  
Nines smiled softly, “I find you to be absolutely pulchritudinous.”  
“You think I look like a chicken?” Gavin exclaimed, chucking the nearest object he could find at Nines, which ended up being the delivery bag. It didn’t even reach Nines, but he didn’t care, using the pitiful toss as an excuse to get up, “you make no sense.”  
“Neither do you,” Nines shot back, his eyes studying Gavin so closely that he was sure that he was getting scanned.  
“I’m just going to the bathroom you hobo, stop getting on my case,” Gavin retorted, unconsciously making sure that his phone was in his pocket as he headed to the short hallway leading to the bathroom and his bedroom.  
He stayed there for far longer than was necessary, staring at the word he had looked up.

**Pulchritudinous** : _heartbreakingly beautiful._

He squeezed his phone and looked at his ugly mug in the mirror. It was all very confusing. He was rude, ugly, and nasty inside and out. It didn’t make sense for Nines to say such a thing. Yet he had. It didn’t make sense especially because Nines had obviously chosen that word very specifically. Nines was nothing if not absolutely, surgically precise with everything he said.  
Gavin wanted to convince himself that Nines had said it as a way to reflect human emotion, but he didn’t actually mean it. He wanted to go back to a time when he believed that androids weren’t capable of sentient or creative thoughts, but you had to be creative to say that about him. You had to be out of your mind to say that about him.  
Not sure what he should do next, Gavin returned to the main room. Nines sat where he had left him.  
“I’m sorry, I might have overstepped my boundaries,” Nines stood up when Gavin turned on the lights, looking both ashamed and embarrassed, “permission to leave.”  
“No no,” Gavin shook his head, “no permission. You aren’t going anywhere.”  
Nines sat down again slowly, his hair looked more disheveled than it ever had before, and in the light, the liquid from his eyes was much more apparent.  
“Explain yourself,” Gavin demanded, walking toward the couch but not sitting down, “don’t try to trick me with fancy words.”  
“I said what I meant,” Nines whispered.  
“Say it again,” Gavin tried to pull back, realizing how angry he sounded right then. Why was it that he always reverted to such an angry tone with everyone? That habit hadn’t bothered him before, but now it was the biggest inconvenience, “I’m not offended.”  
“I didn’t mean it as an insult!” Nines exclaimed, “you are… rather attractive in many senses. I have always been fascinated by people, but you’ve always piqued my interest. I thought it was just because I had been assigned to you as your partner, but then you started letting me talk about my concerns and suddenly it felt very different. I couldn’t compute it. I’ve been talking through loops for weeks and weeks, yet you’re capable of being new and original every single time I say the same phrases-”  
“So you’re just interested in my human qualities?” Gavin interrupted, unable to keep up with the deluge.  
“Yes, those are very interesting, but! It’s not just that! I-” Nines looked away as Gavin sat down next to him, his curiosity somewhere in the back of his mind like a memory. Right then it wasn’t curiosity anymore.  
Nines looked back hesitantly. It was all so human. None of it was controlled or practiced or robotic or stiff in any way. He was obviously at a loss. He was probably confused and conflicted about many things. Gavin only assumed this because he felt all of those same things too. Nines was too human- too alive to be capable of experiencing anything less.  
And then suddenly he was gone. It was like Nines had shut down completely. His eyes went dark and his joints all caught, holding him in his current position. The one thing that was still activated was his LED, which was a mad red that Gavin hardly paid attention to anymore, but now it was all he had to tell if anything improved.  
Thoughts like “did I break him?” and “this is all my fault” rushed in and out of his head as he sat back, berating himself for allowing them to watch the movie, for saying the things he said, for making Nines uncomfortable.  
The minutes drew on into almost an hour, and Gavin decided to give up on waiting. He didn’t retire to bed, however. He simply grabbed a blanket and made himself comfortable on the couch. He wasn’t really sure why he felt like he needed to stay out there with Nines, but it felt wrong to leave him alone in the dark. If he wasn’t back to normal by morning, he would call Connor.

Gavin wasn’t asleep when Nines reactivated. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep mostly due to his insomnia, which was something he was used to, but as more time passed he grew more and more restless and anxious.  
It was probably close to two in the morning when the sounds of machinery clicking and relaxing sent him into an upright position, leaning close to Nines as he inspected his eyes, which were still dim.  
“Come on, get it together, Nines, what am I supposed to tell the others when I come into work without you? Connor will flip,” he waited, the sounds of valves opening and closing were quiet, but just loud enough to disturb the absolute silence in Gavin’s apartment.  
“Do you need help?” He asked, “do you need me to call Connor? Cyberlife? Was it something I said?”  
The sound of an android’s perfectly imitated breath interrupted Gavin, Nines' eyes suddenly coming back to life. The Red LED was gone, it was now a rotating yellow as Nines turned slightly and stared at Gavin.  
“Well, are you okay? What happened?”  
It was only at this moment that Gavin realized that he hadn’t moved his face away from Nines’. He was so out of sorts and so engrossed in figuring out what was wrong, he hadn’t noticed.  
Nines made eye contact with him briefly, his eyes filled with something that Gavin had never seen there before.  
Instead of a verbal response, Nines closed those perfectly grey-blue eyes and kissed Gavin’s still-open mouth.  
It was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Gavin was surprised by how soft Nines’ lips were. The taste wasn’t altogether unpleasant, either. He just let it happen, losing his ability to think about much of anything as they bumped noses and grazed foreheads.  
Nines' hands somehow found Gavin’s face, and the moment they made contact with his skin and pulled through his hair his entire body shuddered, forcing him to take a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.  
“Is this unprofessional?” Nines asked calmly, but his eyes worried.  
“Shut up,” Gavin whispered, pushing Nines into the corner of the couch, which he obliged to without a fight, his left leg automatically finding its spot in the cushions while Gavin fit himself in front of Nines’ solid body, legs wrapped around Nines’ torso and taking every opportunity he could to steal a kiss as they adjusted their positions until it was comfortable.  
Gavin’s hands held Nines’ face and massaged his neck while Nines found the inside of Gavin’s shirt and moved up and down his back. An unfair advantage, now that Gavin considered it, but he was just as determined to find Nines’ sweet spot, too.  
Turns out, it wasn’t that hard. The moment Gavin began to unbutton Nines’ shirt and finally reveal the lower half of his neck, Nines began to press his fingers harder into Gavin’s back. This only encouraged Gavin more, pulling the rest of the shirt open with an aggressive tear and pressing his own hands into Nines’ chest.  
His skin was softer than expected, but that thought got lost in what he had to process next.  
It was like Nines was coming apart, the normally unseen lines underneath his synthetic skin started to glow so bright it was almost blinding. Each one outlined the plates and contours of his body, and the light came with a rumbling hum that seemed to originate right in the center of Nines’ torso.  
Gavin was sure all the hair on his body stood on end, but Nines wouldn’t let him pull away or stop, completely unaware of what was happening.  
“Nines,” he breathed, letting his hands trace the lights along Nines’ torso, “are you okay?”  
The touch activated another series of buzzes and jitters, the reaction finishing with a hand pressing on Gavin’s inner thigh and pushing his leg away, while also lifting Gavin up slightly so they could untangle. Nines held him tight against his chest as he lay all the way down against the armrest of the couch, pulling Gavin with him, their bodies becoming inseparable.  
It was a confusion of touches, sighs, shocks, and hums. Gavin felt completely intoxicated, his entire being was drained in ways he had never been with others, and he and Nines hadn’t even done anything, really. It wasn’t until he nearly closed his eyes that he realized that Nines had slowly stopped and simply began stroking his head, rubbing his fingers through his hair.  
The lights had gone out, all except Nines’ LED, which was finally a content and happy blue.  
“Sorry, pretty-boy, gotta recharge,” Gavin heard himself mumble. He instantly felt stupid and childish, but he couldn’t really control his thoughts or his tongue anymore.  
He managed to reach up and place a hand on Nines’ face, dragging his thumb against his cheek lightly, “So... you found the backdoor?”  
“I figured it out,” Nines replied quietly, continuing to stroke Gavin’s head rhythmically.  
“I think I figured some things out too,” Gavin could barely string the words together to form a sentence.  
“Go to sleep, Gavin.”  
He didn’t have to be told twice.


End file.
